Saturday, May 26, 2012

My Summer's Reading List

For this summer I have come up with a to do list that is all books that I want to read or would like to.  I like to spend my summer's reading when I have nothing else to do because it keeps me entertained and I love to read a good book, but also because I have lots of free time on my hands (or at least that's how things used to be...).  I know I won't be able to get ALL of them read in two or three months of summer break but I sure am going to try!

I'm a slow reader, I'm not one of you people who can read a 700-800 page book in a day or two, that would take me at least a couple of weeks or more.  That is one of the reasons why I might not be able to get them all read, but I am sure going to try.

My Summer Reading List: 
(These are not necessarily in the order I am going to read them.)

  •  The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
  • The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice
  • The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J. R. R. Tolkien
  • Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll 
  • The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
  • 1984 by George Orwell 
  • The Harry Potter series (books 3-7) by J. K. Rowling
  • Sense & Sensibility and Emma by Jane Austin
  • Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
  • The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes  by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
  • The Blue Girl by Charles DeLint
  • Sweetblood by Pete Hautman 
  • The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
  • Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson 
  • Dracula by Bram Stoker
  • The Shack by Wm. Paul Young


P.S. If there are any suggestions you would like to share just let me know; even though I probably won't get them all read.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Not Goth Enough

At the moment I am listening to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, and one of the best songs I've heard.  I forgot about this song until last night we (my mom and siblings) were watching some of the 100 greatest songs of the 90's.  Listening to a lot of those songs that I know so well because I am a 90's baby and I grew up with these songs on the radio.

In fact, as of late, I really haven't been listening to a lot of any Gothy bands and songs, that I still do love, because I just don't have the "crave" to listen to them, I don't really want to.  I've been listening to a lot more of good old rock from The Beatles, and listening to the music I always do (like on the Christian rock radio stations, Christian rock, etc, and some mainstream), I've even had a thing for, yes, What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction (the so called next British invasion).  And then there are the songs like the Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day, and a lot more that I really haven't listened to in quite some time.  Now this isn't to say that none of the bands I am still listening to aren't dark, Red does have a dark side, and I love me some heavy rock.  But can you really part with songs you listened to for so long?  Like for me it's the songs from the 90's and the first six years of the 2000's, and I enjoy listening to them.

My style of dress is much the same, but instead of looking to tone up my wardrobe, I'm just staying where I am.  My favorite outfit is dressing in some black skinny jeans, Converse,and good old black shirt, with my accessories, sometimes no accessories.  Nothing wrong with that but let's just say, most people who are in fact so not goth, they don't see me as such, not really.  My hair is a natural brown, and I have not piercings but on my ears.  I'm more alternative looking than goth.  I've been called emo more than goth even.  My I like it simple and even casual, with a little something here and there.  I always admire all the beautiful outfits I see here on blogger from some lovely gothy bloggers and such, so whilst I love goth fashion, punk fashion, and so on, I'm still not going to dress it up like that.

Is there anything wrong with any of that?  That I'm not "Goth enough".  No of course not, that would be silly, I'm just being myself.  

I looked at the poll I put up and noticed that most of you have put that Goth, etc, is a part of who you are.  And like I said, that is a part of my as well.  So no matter how I am dressing or what music I am listening to most, there is some of it in me.  Just like the what it says under the title of this blog...a Christian misfit with a dark side and a hint of goth. 

Listening to: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls


Monday, May 7, 2012

What Does Goth (Or Any Other Alt. Culture) Mean to You?

So I decided to do a poll and I'm thinking I might do one every month and see what you guys all have to say about stuff.  This one is about what Goth or any other alternative subculture means for you, a subject which is interesting to me.

Google Images

The answers to choose from are:
  • It's a lifestyle for you.
  • It's a fashion and music taste for you.
  • It's a part of who I am.
  • It's just a label and doesn't matter.

For me it's not a "lifestyle" because I see a lifestyle as a way of living, and Goth for me is not a way I live my life is more of a part of who I am and what makes me, me.  But in the end I'm not really a label kind of person, although I do refer to myself as goth sometimes (mostly only on here as that never really comes up in my life).  So if someone thinks I am not or thinks I am that's up to them and I don't mind really.  But that is only my opinion as it's most basic.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

On Confidence And Peer Pressure

I have struggled with the whole confidence thing for a while, but peer pressure is only more recent, within say, the last few years of being a teen.  As of late though all of this has been rather troublesome to me and I think I have a ways to go before I'm done with this struggle because of who I am.

When I was younger I was talkative and everybody was my friend if they were not mean to me.  When I got to about eight or nine I really felt lonely for the first time.  I was always the kid who didn't dress like everyone else, which honestly I never even paid notice to.  I just dressed in what I liked, I didn't care if it was fitted or not, and if it was "girly" then forget it, I stayed away from that because that's just the way I have always been.  I always liked making new friends and as I got older I noticed it wasn't as easy and some how I always felt different from everyone else.

I was about ten or eleven when I sort of lost confidence and just thought that people didn't like me, even though my mother always told me it was there loss not mine and it was them not me.  She was right but I just didn't realize it till I got older.  I will still never know to this day why other kids were like that to me or anyone else, but now I just don't think about it because it is an unanswerable question.  I would have my moments though when none of that could bother me because I knew who I was and no one was going to change that.

I have always been the one left behind or the one no one pays any attention to, you could even say it's like I don't exist sometimes.  I am invisible and always have been, it seems, and as much as that gets to me sometimes I have learned to not let it even though I have my down fall moments (don't we all?).  I usually don't have many friends, just a few really good ones (no complaints there!) and  have a few just friends or acquaintances.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about all that stuff, there is no need for that and it would be rather selfish.  I am not different really than anyone else, and yet we are all different.  Everyone struggles with some of this in different ways.  And I think we all have to deal with peer pressure because it is just natural to want to belong, it's who we are.  But the trick is not caring about it and living life to the fullest, because really, why bother caring about other peoples' issues when it has nothing to do with you.  What other people think really has nothing to do with you because it is their problem and they are accountable to God when all is said and done.

People pleasing is a sin that I am guilty of, like many of us.  And if pleasing others makes you do something you know is wrong, or makes you look in the mirror and want to look away, then you know it's wrong in itself.  When I look at who I am I want to feel proud that I am who I am.  And when I say pleasing others is a sin I mean it literally is a sin, because we are supposed to have fear of God not of people.

There have been times that sad to say where I have toned myself down in how I dress and where I got to the point of feeling bad about myself because I am quiet and am not as talkative as I used to be as a child.  But I'm a so done with that.  I am imperfect and I like it that way.  Why am I writing this now?  Because I finally hit rock bottom for the (hopefully) last time of thinking like that.  I go through spurts, some longer than other, and recently I have been struggling a lot fighting with myself because I know better.  So even if I am the one no one pays attention to, at the end of it all I am still me and can put a smile on my face and hold my head up high.  I couldn't do that with out Him.

Listening to: the Beatles - Revolution