There is No Such Thing As Normal

Well, it's true, there's not.  The only normal that does exist is the normal that you are, and what I mean by that is that we all have "the way we normally are" and when we start to act out of that is when we are not being our normal selves, how we usually are.  If that made sense.  There is no "normal" like society has in its head that everyone is, or should, be a certain way, and that's just not the case. 

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So like I mentioned before, there is nothing wrong with being you but we all fear rejection and that can sometimes hold us back.  Well, think of this for a moment: God, who created everything you see around you, the air you breathe, the sunlight, well He also created you.  And so if He created you, then is it not a sin to not be who He made you to be.  He laid out everything about you, He knew it all before you were even thought of, so  by being you, you honor Him, right?  There is a Bible verse, a Psalms, that I have in a page at the top of my blog, Psalm 139.  It says that God kit you together in the dark of the womb and that He has laid your life out, He being the author of your life.  Cool, right? 

Being you can't be so bad if that's the way you are made to be.  You like the dark and spooky?  Nothing wrong with that, because if it is natural to you and does not harm you then maybe that is just the way you were made to be, maybe that is your normal. 

One thing that bothers me is when I hear others who don't fit in with the mainstream put down those who, well, do (in a way), those who we consider "normal" people, like the preppy kids.  Just because you decided to be, say, Goth, and that others who are not treat you wrong does not mean you need to do the same and judge them wrongly, because after all if you never judge the minority for the majority, it works the other way around too.  Actually now that I brought it up, preppy kids never usually bother me any, like I always seem to hear.  In fact one of my best friends is a prep, and he is really nice, actually, they all are, (my preppy friends).

It's funny thinking back now on when I first "looked up" goth, I thought that those "normal" kids I hung around a bit would not like me anymore at all.  I found out later that that was not true, in fact being myself has gotten me some really great friends that I had never had before.  I didn't loose any friends either when I was a babybat and getting into goth, not for that reason anyways, but moving.  I seem to have made more friends this way, more than I have had in a long time which is more than two.  And none of them care how I dress or that my hair is red, in fact they like it. 

So babybats, and anyone else out there, just know that by being you, you may actually end up making some awesome friends, and maybe even some unexpected ones too.  Just be the normal you, not the "normal" that society thinks everyone should be, or is.  There is not such thing as normal.  And I can never fit it and never will.

Listening to: This Beautiful Republic - Pain

Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness

Pig Tails!

I hope everyone had a great Halloween! 

I used to pull my hair up in all kinds of different ways, then I started keeping my hair short, and you really can't do that much when it's cut near your chin.  But my hair is getting longer again and I was finally able to put it up.  Being Halloween I decided to do something a little different with my hair.

I used to like to do pig tails when my hair was long.  I have known people to say that when you reach a certain age you should do pig tails anymore as they are too little girlish, but I think the right look and on the right person it's perfectly fine. 

My hair doesn't take very well to being teased being so thick and all, because it just falls right back down and looks like it never was teased.  I know this because I wanted to do it to my hair, so now I have a hairspray just waiting to be used, so why not use it.  So I teased my pig tails, plus it doesn't look little girlish this way, or at least I think so. 

By the way, my hair is turning strawberry blonde!  But that's okay, because it's fading much better than last time, and different too.  But I will definitely be doing this to my hair again.

And on another note, I never actually had this happen to me before but on Halloween night while my little sister was trick or treaty this lady , after giving my sister candy, turned to me and said, "Don't you want some too?  You're all dressed up!"  When in fact I was not dressed up for Halloween, just wearing my everyday wear.  My brother will never let me forget it either.  I did have a laugh over though.  :)


Listening to: Worth Dying For - Savior

Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness

Holloween is So Near Now

I wanted to get this written a week ago bust, all well. 

Halloween has always been one of my favorite days and October one of my favorite times of the year being autumn and everything.  I love the changing colors of the trees, the smell of the chilly air of decaying leaves, and the way the day looks because the sunsets and we get night.  October really is the only month that we get autumn here in Montana because if it doesn't snow before Halloween, or one it, it snows after, and once that happens you could say that winter is pretty much here, so are autumn is like a month and a half usually. 



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One of my favorite parts of this time of the year is eating candy, making Halloween decorations, watching some of my favorite movies on channels like ABC Family, and carving pumpkins!  Oh, and how could I forget, baked pumpkin seeds are the best, and dangerous!  I do like to dress up too, but this year I don't think it will happen because I am out of ideas sadly.  But I can still have a good time anyways, like dressing in black and orange. 

Only one thing has ever bugged me about Halloween, and that is the people who say that if you're a Christian then you can't celebrate Halloween.  It just bugs me, and yes it is there opinion, but it always makes me feel in some way disturbed.  So the other day I was listening to the Air1 radio station and the guy hosting the afternoon show was saying how he got all of these emails from people talking about Halloween and whether it was right or not.  Same old stuff I always hear: it's Satan's holiday, Satan's birthday, or it's evil.  And he said something that turned on a light bulb: we aren't here to condemn the culture but to redeem it, and it's just another one of God's days.  So if God makes ever single day then why would He make a day for Satan!  That's blasphemy in the fact that to say that God would do such a thing like that is disrespectful to Him.  It's not different from any other day.  Celebrate it or don't, that is up to you, but please don't say it's Satan's holiday because that is just wrong, and frankly it is disturbing to me to think that Satan could have a day to himself.  So let's not go there.

And what's with Christmas stuff up way before Halloween now?  I mean really, two over two month before Christmas.  I don't even want to think of Christmas and the cold, and SNOW!  Why must they torture me so! 

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Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness

What's Wrong With Being You?

I wanted to do this post for some time but just couldn't bring myself to write it just then when I thought of it.  So I am writing it now. 

I have so many questions and no answers.  I think too much, which can either be a bad thing or a good thing.  I watch the people around me as I sit alone, watching them go about their lives, and I sometimes end up looking back at myself and wonder why I can't be out there with them too, what is holding me back I don't yet know.  It's a question without an answer.  I don't mind sitting alone, or being by myself, it's very nice sometimes, but just not all of the time, it can be depressing and I get lonely.  I have pretty much always been the one to sit alone while other go about with their friends not even noticing me, that is why I saw that I have pretty much always been the invisible one.  My story here is nothing new, I am not the only one, everyone has been through this at some point, some more than others. 

So like I said, I am not alone.  I also know that life does not revolve around me, my God is always with me, I have friends, and I have that one best friend that I can call at three in the morning.  But still, in the end, none of that helps when it comes down to the very center of it all, because there is so much more than that. 

Now, I want to share something with you (or whoever is reading this...) that comes straight out of my personal journal.  I wrote this Tuesday, June 21st, of this year, 2011.  
(The below is rewritten in a way that it can be towards you and not just me.)

Steps on Being Myself

• First pray.  It seems like I'm always praying, but in the end it always works.
• Second, don't be afraid.  Clearly I (or that is: you) are afraid of something and need to ask yourself: what are you afraid of?
• Third, read the Bible every night and day.  It does end up helping over time.
• Forth, what you have to say is not boring!  If you have something you want to say, say it.  Just make sure you're not saying something like gossip or something bad like that.

So far all of that has worked, looking back on it now, and in only a couple of months I have been feeling much better about truly being myself and not being all closed up and quite.  And you can go and add or change whatever you like to fit you if you need to.  You also need to learn to love yourself, because if you don't even like who you are how can you expect someone else to. 

To pray means that you tell God everything.  I literally mean EVERYTHING!  He already knows, so tell Him anyways, don't hold it back, after all you pray not because He simply says too, He says too because it helps you, after all if you never ask you will never get it, if you don't knock the door will not be open, if you don't seek you will never find what you seek.  Only the truth can set you fear, so speak it, say out loud, say the honest truth not matter how horrible it is.  It should also be sincere.

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."  Matthew 7:7-8.

What are you afraid of?  Rejection.  You may say that it doesn't bother you, but you are still afraid of it, everyone is.  It's human nature to want to be accepted, not rejected, and yet we reject others.  We judge them, reject them, turn our backs on them, we sin.   And life is life.  What don't I get up and walk over and start to join in?  Because I guess I am afraid, afraid to be looked down upon, to be ignored, to look stupid, to be rejected.   I still don't know how to over come it.  It seems easy to say, "Just suck it up and move on, who cares about them."  To do that, well that is a whole other story.

Don't be afraid to be you, even though you may not know who that is yet, I still don't, but I don't want to hide that, or hide from anything, life is too short for that.  So even though I may not know who I really am, I am still going to be me, and I do that my not thinking about it, because once I do I over do it.

Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness

A Label

I realize I have been gone sometime now, sorry about that.  And I have a new sort of series if you will, or at least they relate to each other in some way.  And this one is going to be the first post, on labels.

We put labels on this so we know what's what, but we also do this to know who's who.  I personally like to label certain things to make it easier to know where things are and have a place for everything.  A person on the other hand I really just don't care, because a label on a person really doesn't need to be there for organization, but just to get an idea of who that person is.

Unlike some I don't hate labels on people, but there are sometimes when labels are pushed too far and it just is ridiculous.  For instance, say someone finds out that this person they talked with before was emo, and so they stop talking to that person because they don't want to be seen with someone emo.  What difference does it make, it's still the person you were talking too before you found out they were emo.  And that is what does really bug me about the whole thing. 

Some label themselves for identity reasons, because in that they "find" who they are or want to be known as.  That can also be pushing it too far.  I say this because that is not what labels are for in my opinion, but are there to just more so group others with like interests together.  Someone may see the label of Goth and see that they have similar like interests in dark and spooky things and then can relate to the gothic subculture.

My blog title then only says a little about be in some ways and all about me in others.  The label Goth implies that I identify with the culture and have like interests with others in it.  The label Christian, however, says the most by implying that that is what my beliefs are, Who I follow is, and the like.  But there is a difference between the labels of Goth and Christian.  I don't just identify with other Christians, or have the same or similar likes and interests because truly there is only one like and interest and belief we all share.  In Goth we all have very similar if not almost the same likes, interests, and views of things, such as taste in dark music, the love of Halloween and vampires, etc., or how we express ourselves in a dark way by clothing and such.  But with Christians, in the end it doesn't matter what music we like, how we dress, what things we have in common, who are friends are, what we like to do, what movies we like to watch or anything.  The only thing that binds us together is that we believe in God and that is it.  That one thing, because nothing else matters. 

Done by myself.  Not off internet.

Even though I call myself a Goth, that doesn't mean that that is just what I am and should be put in a box to sort out who is who.  To fit in only one box would make to me a very boring person.  I can understand people who hate labels.  But they aren't there to put restrictions up, just simply to tell something about you, for instance you know two things about me by the title of my blog.  But that doesn't mean that that is it, because there is so much more to a person than a few labels, they just give a general view.  I say general view because like I said, there is so much more to a person than that, you actually have to know the person to know them.

Listening to: Creature Feature - The Unearthly Ones

Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness