What's Wrong With Being You?

I wanted to do this post for some time but just couldn't bring myself to write it just then when I thought of it.  So I am writing it now. 

I have so many questions and no answers.  I think too much, which can either be a bad thing or a good thing.  I watch the people around me as I sit alone, watching them go about their lives, and I sometimes end up looking back at myself and wonder why I can't be out there with them too, what is holding me back I don't yet know.  It's a question without an answer.  I don't mind sitting alone, or being by myself, it's very nice sometimes, but just not all of the time, it can be depressing and I get lonely.  I have pretty much always been the one to sit alone while other go about with their friends not even noticing me, that is why I saw that I have pretty much always been the invisible one.  My story here is nothing new, I am not the only one, everyone has been through this at some point, some more than others. 

So like I said, I am not alone.  I also know that life does not revolve around me, my God is always with me, I have friends, and I have that one best friend that I can call at three in the morning.  But still, in the end, none of that helps when it comes down to the very center of it all, because there is so much more than that. 

Now, I want to share something with you (or whoever is reading this...) that comes straight out of my personal journal.  I wrote this Tuesday, June 21st, of this year, 2011.  
(The below is rewritten in a way that it can be towards you and not just me.)

Steps on Being Myself

• First pray.  It seems like I'm always praying, but in the end it always works.
• Second, don't be afraid.  Clearly I (or that is: you) are afraid of something and need to ask yourself: what are you afraid of?
• Third, read the Bible every night and day.  It does end up helping over time.
• Forth, what you have to say is not boring!  If you have something you want to say, say it.  Just make sure you're not saying something like gossip or something bad like that.

So far all of that has worked, looking back on it now, and in only a couple of months I have been feeling much better about truly being myself and not being all closed up and quite.  And you can go and add or change whatever you like to fit you if you need to.  You also need to learn to love yourself, because if you don't even like who you are how can you expect someone else to. 

To pray means that you tell God everything.  I literally mean EVERYTHING!  He already knows, so tell Him anyways, don't hold it back, after all you pray not because He simply says too, He says too because it helps you, after all if you never ask you will never get it, if you don't knock the door will not be open, if you don't seek you will never find what you seek.  Only the truth can set you fear, so speak it, say out loud, say the honest truth not matter how horrible it is.  It should also be sincere.

"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find.  Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."  Matthew 7:7-8.

What are you afraid of?  Rejection.  You may say that it doesn't bother you, but you are still afraid of it, everyone is.  It's human nature to want to be accepted, not rejected, and yet we reject others.  We judge them, reject them, turn our backs on them, we sin.   And life is life.  What don't I get up and walk over and start to join in?  Because I guess I am afraid, afraid to be looked down upon, to be ignored, to look stupid, to be rejected.   I still don't know how to over come it.  It seems easy to say, "Just suck it up and move on, who cares about them."  To do that, well that is a whole other story.

Don't be afraid to be you, even though you may not know who that is yet, I still don't, but I don't want to hide that, or hide from anything, life is too short for that.  So even though I may not know who I really am, I am still going to be me, and I do that my not thinking about it, because once I do I over do it.

Sincerely,
Angel of Darkness